Getting to Synchronicity

Have you ever had a working relationship with a colleague whose belief system was very different to yours? Or an acquaintance who you just didn’t understand? Or found yourself in a personal relationship where you disagreed on almost everything? Or left a job because the attitudes of those around you conflicted with your own, or you disagreed with the company’s direction?

Most of us have experienced one or more of these, in relationships where there was a fundamental and noticeable misalignment. Unless something radically shifted, it’s likely that relationship ultimately came to an end. Maybe it just fizzled out and contact became less and less, perhaps it ended abruptly, or you might have just gone your separate ways.

In these examples, there’s an ingredient missing that’s needed for relationships to thrive.

At the heart of every strong, resilient relationship lies a sense of Synchronicity – a shared rhythm that connects people beyond the day-to-day. Synchronicity is about more than just getting along; it’s about being aligned in ways that matter most. It’s the thread that ties shared goals, common values, and mutual respect together into a cohesive whole.

Synchronicity doesn’t mean being the same or not having conflict or disagreements. In fact, the most resilient relationships often thrive on difference – different strengths, ideas, and ways of seeing the world. But what makes those differences work is a unifying purpose: a shared sense of direction and a commitment to something bigger than individual preference.

In great teams competition exists, but it’s not competition with or against each other. It’s not about having winners and losers. It’s competition that pushes us to bring our best, to develop the best outcome to reach ambitious and shared goals.

When synchronicity is present, people feel seen for what they uniquely bring to the table. There’s room to be different, to disagree, and still feel connected.

Why it matters

Without synchronicity, relationships can feel misaligned. There’s conflict and competition over priorities. Conversations don’t lead to resolution and agreement. Progress stalls. You may feel like you're pulling in opposite directions, questioning why you’re even in the relationship — or what you're building together.

But when synchronicity is strong, everything flows more easily. It creates cohesion, direction, and clarity. It allows individuals to contribute in ways that feel meaningful and appreciated. There’s momentum, trust, and a feeling of knowing where you’re going and what’s important, even during challenge or times of change.

In relationships – whether personal, professional or within teams – synchronicity shows up when:

• There's a shared understanding of the purpose or vision
• Differences are valued as strengths, not threats
• Individuals are clear on their role and how it contributes to the whole
• Beliefs and values are openly expressed and mostly aligned
• Conversations, even the hard ones, move the relationship forward.

How to build it

Synchronicity can be enhanced through intention, curiosity, and ongoing conversation. Here’s how to build or strengthen it:

1. Start with shared purpose. Talk about what you’re working towards together. Are you clear on your common goal, whether that’s the company priorities, leading a project, or building a friendship? Articulating your “why” brings direction.
2. Surface core values. Make time to explore what really matters to each person. What do you care deeply about? Where are your values aligned — and where are they different but complementary?
3. Acknowledge unique contributions. Notice and name what each person brings to the relationship. We all have different strengths and our performance fluctuates. Highlighting where we add value builds appreciation and helps avoid the trap of comparison or competition.
4. Create space for difference. Synchronicity thrives when individuals feel safe to express different views without fear of being shut down. Encourage honest conversations, even when they’re uncomfortable.
5. Check in and realign regularly. Things shift — so alignment needs revisiting. Whether it’s a monthly check-in, a team retrospective, or a quiet conversation over coffee, keep coming back to what’s working and what needs adjusting.

Conversations that foster synchronicity

Certain types of questions help uncover the deeper alignment in a relationship. Try these:

• What do we want to create or achieve together?
• What’s important to each of us in how we work/live/communicate?
• Where do our values overlap, and where do they differ?
• What do we admire or rely on in each other?
• How do we handle decisions when we disagree?

How much synchronicity exists in your relationships?

Here’s some further questions to help you establish how much alignment you share already, and perhaps highlight some areas to strengthen further:

• What values or beliefs do we share that give our relationship its foundation?
• In what ways are our goals aligned — and where might they be pulling apart?
• Do we have a clear sense of what we’re working towards together?
• How are we encouraging and appreciating each other’s unique contributions?
• When was the last time we paused to check in on what’s working — and what’s not?
• What assumptions might be getting in the way of clearer alignment?
• How do we stay open to different perspectives while maintaining a shared direction?

Working with leaders and teams to help them align around shared purpose and goals is what I do. If you’re looking for support in this area, get in touch – I’d love the opportunity to explore ways I can help you and your team enhance performance through greater synchronicity.